Bella's Wedding Bites
by Luna Grace
Summary: It's finally Bella's big day! In between bunnies, a really, umm...short dress, and alice's pink clipboard, Bella's wedding is a weird as is gets. My first story! I'd appreciate reviews!
1. Getting Ready

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephanie Meyer, and thus, do not own twighlight, new moon, or eclipse. **

**A/N- Just a warning for those who did not read the summary: Bella does not act like herself. AT ALL. Oh, and please review! This is my first story, so I need support from my loving fans! (LOL)**

Edward took in a deep breath. He turned to face jasper in the seat next to him.

"Nervous?" Jasper asked. Edward nodded.

"This _is _my first wedding." Jasper sighed.

"Listen," Jasper whispered, " I know that you're nervous now, but when you see your fiancé walking down that aisle…there's no other feeling like it." Edward turned to Emmett.

"Yeah. And even after the one…two…" he turned away for a second to count his fingers. "48 times I've wed Rosalie…"

"it never gets old." Jasper said knowingly. Emmett gave him a questioning look. "I was going to say that the communion bread still tastes weird." Jasper rolled his eyes and elbowed Emmett.

"Ow!" Emmett glared at Jasper.

" I more worried about the after party. I'm not much of a dancer." Edward sighed. Jasper stifled a laugh.

"Hey, no sweat. I only knew the tango at my after party, and I was fine." It was Emmett's turn to laugh.

"Yeah, that's why you spent the whole time hiding in the bathroom." Jasper folded his arms and turned away from Emmett.

Before anyone could argue more, the car pulled in the parking garage behind the church.

"Oh, right…Rosalie and Alice decided to stay away from you Edward. They don't want you to see Bella in her dress." Jasper quickly added as they got out of the Volvo. Edward rolled his eyes.

" I already saw her in it in Alice's mind."

"But in person, it's different!" Emmett insisted. Edward shrugged.

"If it's what Bella wants," he said.

The three of them walked into the church.

"Whoa!" Emmett said, gaping. The inside of the church was huge. A huge, crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling. Almost 10 stained glass windows lined the walls. 50 different pews lined each side, with a red carpeted aisle down the center.

"I told you Alice picked an appropriate church." Jasper shrugged.

"Appropriate for who? Bella and I just wanted to make it official, but…" Edward shook his head in disbelief. "I can only imagine how mad she was when she saw this."

* * *

"It's like a castle!" Bella shouted for the 17th time. 

"I'm the princess, Edward's the prince, and you're my maids!" Alice laughed, glad to see Bella so happy.

"All that's missing are the bunnies that need to be released when I enter." Bella frowned.

"Oh, right." Alice replied, checking the pink clipboard she was carrying around. "Those are coming in around two." Bella sighed.

"But that's only an hour until the wedding." Alice patted her shoulder. "I'd let you see Edward…but the bride's not supposed to see the groom before the wedding." Bella shrugged.

"Whatev."

"So…you don't want to see him?" Alice asked curiously.

"I need to get ready…" Bella replied wistfully. "Wait!" Her head jolted up suddenly. "Where are my mahogany trees for the altar?" Alice groaned and smacked her head against her clipboard.

" I forgot them!" Alice groaned. Rosalie spoke suddenly from where she was adjusting Bella's wedding dress.

"No sweat. When Emmett and I were married…he forgot the little pink bows that go on the end of the pews." Alice shuddered. Nothing worse then forgetting the bows. Rosalie stood up and rushed outside.

Bella looked at herself in the mirror and yelped.

"Calm down, Bella." Alice said. "You'll be ok. You'll be fine," she added as she patted her back.

" I look so fat though! And this make-up doesn't bring out the light in my eyes!" Bella shouted. "I can _not _have a wedding without my brown slash hazel nut specks showing in my eyes!" She groaned loudly. Alice patted her back wistfully. She remembered _her_ first wedding. The raisins got mixed in with the peanuts, she stepped on Jasper's feet up-teen times, and her wedding dress got ripped in back. Plus, Jasper spent the whole time hiding in the bathroom for some reason…oh, well.

"It'll be ok, Bella." Alice said softly.

"Wait!" Rosalie rushed in carrying an emergency make-up kit. "I found the ultimate lip gloss for Bella!" She held up a Victoria's secret "Open Invitation" lip gloss tube.

"Oh, Rosalie, you're a life saver!" Bella sighed.

" I know," Rosalie smiled. After Alice and Rosalie finished Bella's make-up, it was hard to believe that she wasn't already a vampire.

"Umm…Alice?" Bella asked suddenly.

"Yeah?" Alice turned to her worriedly.

"I was wondering…I kind of have this dress that I wanted to wear instead of this one." Alice nodded.

"Oh right … because Edward saw the other one." Bella started to say something, then stopped.

"Erm…right. Definitely. Yeah." Alice raised an eyebrow, but said nothing else. She trusted Bella's judgment…well…not really. But it _was _Bella's wedding.

"Oh my gosh!" Bella exclaimed. "It's almost two! You better go and get the bunnies." Alice nodded seriously.

"I'll do what I can." Rosalie left with Alice a few seconds later.

Bella let a smile flow over her face as she knelt down to the bottom of the wardrobe. The dress was hung very loosely on the rack…but it looked so different on her! She climbed into it and zippered it up the back. She hoped that no one would see her in this before the actual wedding. That was why she picked her dressing room to be directly behind the sanctuary.

She walked over to the mirror and smiled. This dress was to sexy for words. She couldn't wait for Edward to see her in it.

* * *

Edward stood impatiently waiting for Alice to finish her list of complaints and things to remember. 

"…so just remember to tilt your head to the _left_ when you kiss. And right foot goes first. Oh…straighten your tie." Alice reached up to adjust the tied knot. She skimmed her eyes over her pink clipboard.

"And…I think that's all. Rosalie? You have anything to add to that?" Rosalie shrugged.

"You've got a little…smudge…" She indicated towards her lip. Edward glared at her.

"It's a mustache." Alice put on a disgusted expression.

"Ew." she looked at Rosalie, and Rosalie shook her head.

"No, no. It has to go."

"But-" Edward started to complain.

" No! No. It's going. Bye-bye mustache." She gave a quick wave. Edward groaned.

"I stop shaving for 3 days and suddenly I'm on probation." Rosalie slapped both hands and the table and hissed,

"You have 45 minutes until your bride walks up-" she pointed towards the two grand doors at the entrance-"that aisle. So I suggest you listen to what we say if you want to impress her." Edward gave some un-friendly sounding grumbles before walking off down the aisle to the men's room.

Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Alright, who's next?" Alice motioned for the next people in line to come up to the probation table.

"No, no…that orange does not look good with the color of pink you've chosen…and…you look like you've just came from a funeral." Rosalie looked at Alice. This going to take a while.

* * *

"Hey kiddo!" Charlie exclaimed when he saw Alice hurrying up the aisle. 

"Hey Charlie!" She smiled. "I need you to stand here-" she moved him to the right of the door and then fixed the undone button of his shirt. "There! Good to go!" She sighed.

"So when is Bella coming out?" He asked, stretching to see if Bella was somewhere in sight.

"Umm…" Alice checked her watch. " Ten point five minutes." Charlie looked at her for a second.

"Could I maybe go see her now? She must be pretty nervous…" he tried to sidestep Alice to go into the Bride's Room. She grabbed his arm and shook her head.

"No one is allowed to see her until she comes out for her big walk down the aisle." Charlie sighed. He leaned back against the door frame.

"Whoa, there Charlie!" She pulled him off the door. "Father of the Bride is required to stand at attention in this position with hand ready for his daughter." She nodded approvingly at him, then hurried down the aisle again. Charlie watched her go. That girl was definitely not a procrastinator.


	2. The ceremony

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse. If I did, well you don't want to know what would happen if I did.**_

_Oh god. In, out, In, out._ Edward was as nervous as he had been in his life. He steadied his breath and rose from his seat to go up to the altar. The pastor smiled at him sweetly.

"Sweetie, this service is very simple," she said. "Just repeat what I say."

He nodded. "Of course." It was simple, he had memorized the text before hand anyway, just in case.

Then the bridal march began playing sweetly throughout the sanctuary, on a CD player. (Another one of Bella's ideas.) Filling every little nook and cranny as the people rose, waiting from the bride to enter.

* * *

Bella took in a deep breath and pressed a hand to her beating heart. She was so excited to see everyone's reaction to her dress! And make-up! Who knew what Charlie and Renee would say? Bella gave herself a reassuring smile in the mirror._ You can do this Bella. You can go out there and marry a hot vampire. Yay Bella! Edward won't be able to take his eyes off of me!_

* * *

Here it was. The big moment. Edward stared at the door anxiously, well the one that Bella would come through. They, well more of Bella, had insisted that her and Charlie enter from different doors.

The door swung open for Charlie to enter. He did, and he certainly looked excited. Edward barely noticed this one. Waiting more anxiously for Bella to enter.

Then the other oak door swung open for Bella to enter. A few white bunnies hopped out, scattering among the pews, accompanied by brilliant white doves that came out with them. Then, with a flash of light, a foot came out. Followed in tune to the music, with the rest of her.

Wait a second…what the hell was she wearing? There was so much cleavage it was unbelievable. Rhinestones brought everyone's attention to this part, as the pretty stones went along the top trim. Which brought about another factor of the dress, there were no sleeves. The dress covered about halfway down her thighs, and had little crystals hanging down. A thick pink ribbon tied in a HUGE bow was adorning her waist. The train attached onto the back and trailed to the floor.

She gave a huge grin and waved to Edward as she started to walk toward Charlie. Charlie managed to recover enough to close his gaping his mouth and meet her in the center of the aisle.

"What…what are you wearing?" He gasped, barely able to get over his astonishment.

Bella just giggled. "It gets better, just wait a minute!" She whisper to him.

Giggling again she started to walk down the aisle with Charlie, to the music. Then the music seemed to catch and switch to another tune. Sexy Back started to blare out over the speakers.

Bella giggled again and started to walk down the aisle in tune to the music, her butt swinging back and forth in time to the music. A few guests who she had just passed gasped. They had just caught what was endorsing her butt waving. The word _Sexy _was stitched in hot pink rhinestones. Next to it the word _Bride _was stitched in hot pink thread. And a very, very fancy ring circled the two words, making her butt stand out more than anything.

Jessica, fainted when she caught what was on her butt. And a few of the boys gave a wolf whistle. Bella just waved at them.

As they reached Edward at the altar, Charlie took a seat next to Angela (the maid of honor) and the service began, but not before Edward had a chance to hiss the same question Charlie had asked to Bella, "What are you wearing?"

"Maximum cleavage and maximum leg exposure dress," She whispered back excitedly.

A look of horror clouded his face before he regained his compositor. He hadn't yet seen what was stitched on her behind, and if he had, well let us not think of what would happen.

The music faded out as the pastor started to speak. "We are gathered here today to…"

Edward zoned out on the pastor and concentrated on Alice's thoughts. _What the heck is that girl wearing? That is not the dress I pictured at all! She is gonna get yelled at bad! Eww…look at Edward's pants. How could I have missed that they don't have the same stitch design as his shirt? _Edward quickly looked down, but couldn't see anything apparent.

"…you are parted by death?" The pastor asked Bella. Bella shot her a questioning look.

"Repeat it," the pastor whispered.

Bella nodded, "It."

Edward groaned, and Bella seemed to get she wasn't suppose to repeat 'it' but what came before the repeat it part. " In the name of God, I, Bella Swan, take you, Edward Cullen to be my wife-"

"husband. He's the man, you say husband." The pastor corrected. Alice groaned from somewhere in the crowd.

"Right." Bella corrected herself, "To be my _husband_ to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow." Bella said to Edward.

"Your turn, honey." The pastor said, turning to Edward..

"In the name of god, I, Edward Cullen, take you, Bella Swan-" hereached down to grab her hand- "to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow." He finished and gave a sigh. He was so glad he had memorized his lines.

Bella listened intently as the pastor spoke. It was entrancing to hear and say all these vows. I mean, they were being bound together forever! And since vampires couldn't die, that means they were together forever! A huge smile was plastered all over her face.

Suddenly, her stomach growled. Crap. Bella realized she had forgotten to grab lunch. The pastor clapped her hands for a second to bring in the communion food.

"Please kneel," the pastor said. Edward kneeled down, so Bella followed quickly. They were handed a small glass of wine and bread.

"Oh-wait-wait-" Bella yelled, standing up quickly. Edward groaned and covered his eyes with his hand. "I'm under the age of 21, so I would prefer Juicy Juice to this." She stated informatively to the pastor.

"Oh, no, dear. In the event of holy communion, you may drink the wine." The pastor said quietly, ushering Bella back to the altar."

Bella dug her feet into the floor and yelled very loudly. "NONONONO! I WANT JUICY JUICE!"

The pastor worriedly looked around. "Erm, of course sweetheart. Let me..um..." the pastor swung her head around before hurrying off to the nearest usher.

Edward couldn't believe Bella. First she comes out looking like…and then throwing a temper tantrum for Juicy Juice? The pastor hurried back and handed Bella a cup of grape juice. "Is it Juicy Juice brand?" Bella asked.

"Um.." the pastor looked at Edward. He closed his eyes and nodded his head. Better humor her then hear her.

The pastor said yes, not wishing to have to deal with this birde one more minute, then waited for the ushers to finish passing out the bread to the congregation.

"Hey Edward," Bella whispered after stuffing her bread into her mouth.

"What," Edward sighed. Any request from Bella at this point was clearly not a good sign.

"I'm still hungry. Can I have your bread?" She asked. Edward decided to give it to her. After all…vampires shouldn't have food, and who knew what Bella would do if he refused her.

The service was almost over. Only the last part remained. "Do you, Edward Cullen, take Bella Swan to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Edward stared into Bella's eyes. She looked into his. _Hurry up! _She thought. _I really got to pee. _"I do,"

"Same to you Isabella Swan."

"I do," Bella said rather quickly, like she wanted the ceremony to be over with. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

After a couple seconds, she pulled away. "Alright, thanks!" she said to him, then ran out of the sanctuary towards the girls room.

Edward watched his wife run down the aisle. He realized that this was the first time she had ended a kiss from him. Oh well, he thought. When you gotta go….you gotta go! Then he caught sight of her butt waving around in the air. Sexy Bride was stitched into it. His mouth fell wide open. Then he closed it slowly. Blinked, and then if vampires could faint, he would have, he took one of the cups that still had some wine in it, he poured it over his head.


	3. The afterparty

* * *

Woooh!" Bella screamed as she stuck her head out the limo window. Edward still had his hand clamped over his eyes while Alice and Jasper sat next to him looking uncomfortable. Jasper gave Edward a "control-your-wife" look, but Edward didn't even notice. He wrapped a hand around her waist and gently pulled her back into the limo and onto his lap.

"Let-go-of me!" Bella squealed as she struggled to get out of his grasp. Ok, time for plan B.

Edward turned her so that she faced him and gave her the best vampire eyes he could.

"Could you calm down?" He said quietly to her. Bella stuck her tongue out at him and crossed her arms. She reminded Edward of a 6 year old.

Edward sent Jasper pleading eyes, and Jasper placed an arm on Bella's shoulder. _Calm energy…_Edward heard Jasper think. Bella relaxed a little and settled back into Edward's arms.

"Yeah. I guess." Bella replied with a hint of annoyance in her voice. Edward sighed contently.

"So, do you have any plans I should know about for the reception?" He asked her. Bella pressed a finger to her chin and thought for a second. "Hmm…I…don't _think_ so." She said uncertainly. Edward eyes went wide and he looked at Alice. _HELP! _He mouthed to her. She nodded and her vision went blank. Edward tried to concentrate on what she saw, but he could only see a blank image. She wasn't blocking him, so why could he only see…? He sighed and decided just to keep a close eye on Bella during the reception. Alice turned back to him and shrugged as if to say, _sorry, can't see anything. _

* * *

"…and just thank you for all coming tonight. It really does mean a lot to me." Bella said as she talked into the microphone. So far, she thought her speech was going pretty well. Edward stood at the back of the room watching her. He smiled at there and gave her a thumbs up sign. She giggled. "Anyways…I love you all. Are you ready to party?" She yelled the crowd. The crowd started to clap and yell. And now for the finale! "WOOH!" Bella screamed at the top of her lungs and ripped off her dress.

(No she wasn't naked you perverts!) Underneath her dress was a pink ruffled skirt so ridiculously short it should be underwear. She also was wearing a hot pink tube top that showed her belly button. That was just plain with the word _Sexy _stitched in silver rhinestones on the top.

* * *

And to think Edward thought it couldn't get any worse. Ha! The music started to blare and the people started to dance and mingle. Edward worked his way to the front of the crowd to find Bella.

"Excuse me," He said as he reached Bella. "Just what did you think you were doing up there?"

Bella scowled. "I didn't have _time _to change. So I changed up there!" She pointed to the stage. Edward rolled his eyes.

"Is there a problem with me changing on stage?" she asked innocently. Edward opened his mouth to say yes, yes there is, but he stopped. He couldn't bring himself to say that. She looked so happy right now.

"No. I'm fine." He surrendered. Bella smiled at him and reached out her arms for him to help her down. He lifted her down gently and set her down. "Are we ready for your reception?" Edward asked her. Bella nodded and let out another whoop.

* * *

Jacob Black walked down the hall to the reception quietly. He knew it would be hard to see Bella dancing with the bloodsucker, but he knew…he knew she would want him to come. He finally reached the two double doors at the end of the hall. With a deep breath, he pushed the left one open to find himself in the midst of a party. He had barely even took a step when the moment he had dreaded came.

"Good evening, party goers!" The dj shouted to the crowd. "Are we ready for that special song for our newly weds?" There were some cheers and sighs from the crowd. The DJ added, "Our bride picked this one out." Jacob almost turned and walked away right then and there, but he didn't. He didn't because he heard the song that came on over the speakers, and he realized that Bella had not exactly picked out the song of his nightmares.

* * *

Edward was having the opposite thought right now. Bella had _exactly _picked out the song of his nightmares.

He listened in mild horror to the song playing.

(yuaaaaaaaaaa!!!)  
soulja boy tell em  
ayy i got this new dance fo yall called tha Soulja Boy  
(yuaaaaaaaaaa!!!)  
u gotta punch den crank back 3 times from left ta right-

Yeah. I'm going to guess you can all imagine Edward right now. Now add Bella dancing to this song into the mix. Now add Edward seeing Jacob walk right over next to Bella and start dancing to this song. (Here's a hint: It's the exact opposite of happy and excited.)

* * *

Bella was having the time of her life! She cranked back and forth 3 times before heading over to the juice table for refreshments.

"Hi Jake!" She said as she walked over to the table with him. "I'm so glad you came to see me!" Jacob shrugged, but smiled back at her.

"I…I guess I just knew you wanted to see me." He said to her. She nodded seriously. She leaned closer to him, then whispered,

"I need to have some fun, you know? I mean, Edward can be a little…" she glanced back at Edward, who was currently yelling at the DJ. "…uptight." Jake nodded. He understood exactly what she meant.

"So anyways, I'm just happy to see you came to…to support me…"Her voice started to wobble a little. Jake immediately reached down, shocked.

"Bells? Don't cry! After all this, you can't cry!" He patted her gently on the back. Bella suddenly got an odd look on her face, as if she had just realized something. "I think I just-"

Unfortunately, our beloved Edward was a bit frazzled and had really just had quite enough. When he saw Jacob touching Bella, he sort of…oh god. How do I put this. Um…exploded?

"GET OUT OF HERE YOU DOG!" Edward yelled. He started over to grab Jacob, but he never quite made it.

"STOOOOP!" Bella cried. She threw herself in front of him. Edward immediately stopped, because of course he would stop for Bella. Bella took an uncertain step towards the front of the room, and cleared her throat to speak.

"I am pretty sure I just got my period, so if you would all excuse me for a minute to go put on a pad, that would be great. Thanks!" Bella skipped out of the room. Everyone stared after her in shock. And silence.

Alice turned to face Edward.

"I guess that's why she was acting so weird." She said quietly. Edward slapped a hand to his forehead. Jasper just stared down the hallway. "Do you think she'll be ok? Maybe I should go check on her-" Alice grabbed his arm. "You're going to look down her shirt while she's changing, aren't you?" Jasper's face turned red. He stuttered, then sat down in the chair next to him. Edward sighed. "At least the cake made it through all this!" He said happily. He turned to the cake table, which was empty. He turned back to Alice.

"Where in the heck is the cake?" He almost yelled. Alice pointed at Jasper. Jasper pointed at Rosalie. Rosalie pointed at Emmett. Emmett pointed at Alice. Edward gaped.

"Bu-I-why-how-" he finally gave up and sat down on the ground to pout like a 2-year-old.

Alice basically mumbled, "My wedding was better," then that was the end of it. Edward went to go find Bella, Alice and Rosalie headed back to the car, and Emmett and Jasper went to go "buy valuable educational games for better learning." How cliche.


End file.
